What Does it Mean to Give?

There’s something I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around lately.

 I live in a country where people don’t have a lot of material possessions. They also don’t have a lot of food, and the food that they do have is not the most nutritious or balanced type of diet. Their houses are not great; they don’t have cars; many don’t have jobs. The question: What is my response?

Many times, people here ask me for things. It seems that I can’t leave our mission base without someone asking me for my water bottle, my sweater, my shoes, some money. I’m pretty sure they see me as a rich white person. What I’ve realized recently is that in many ways, this is actually true. If you look at the big picture of the whole world and all of the people in it, I am rich, even though I am a missionary and I have to ask for money for everything that I have. I am rich, even though I buy almost all of my clothes on sale, and have many that were given to me. I am rich, even though my laptop is five years old, and the battery is held into it with duct tape. I am rich, even though I have only “bought” free music for the past couple of years at least. I am rich, even though I do not own a car, a house, or a television.

In American terms, I have very little, and my life is pretty simple. But in Haiti and even in the world, despite those things, I still have more than the vast majority of the population. Despite my laptop’s imperfections, I have a laptop. Despite the cheapness of my clothes, I have pretty good clothes. Despite the fact that my phone is a used phone that was given to me, I have a much better phone than most people do here. Although my meals are much more simple than they used to be, I eat three meals a day. I have never slept without a bed, except by choice. I have never slept without a roof over my head, except by choice. I have never gone hungry, except by choice or inconvenience.

At the end of the day, I don’t know what to do about it. When the fiftieth person asks me for my water bottle, what do I do? On the one hand, I could give them my water bottle, and get another one the next time I go home, or ask for someone to donate one, or even live without one. But on the other hand, if I give one person my water bottle, how many other people will want one? Who else will come to me and say, “You gave so-and-so your water bottle, give me one too.” (This has already happened to me.) Or how many people will continue to ask me for things, when that is not what I am here for? Will they continue to just see me as the white person who has stuff that I will give to them, if I just begin to fulfill their expectations?

Once, in this situation, I told a girl, “I’m not here to give you stuff, I am here to pray with you, to bring Jesus, for evangelization.” I think she understood, but then I wonder if I am just with-holding things that I don’t want to give. I’ve also thought that maybe I should just give to someone who asks me. Then when I run out of stuff to give, I’ve run out. I don’t want to sin because I’m holding on to material possessions, or because I am not being a giving person.

But I also know that in order to minister in a community where people don’t have much, they need to know that I am here for the Gospel, and not for material goods. If what I give them is material goods, then I am causing and perpetuating a problem in the world. There is a huge problem in the world, that people think you need to HAVE things. If I give them a water bottle or a sweater, even if I don’t need it either, am I endangering their soul? Am I telling them by my actions, “Yes, you need this material thing?”

Here are my proposed solutions:

1.     Give in those situations where there is really a need.  For example: A doctor’s appointment, or someone who needs to eat, or someone whose clothes or shoes are worn. Thinking about it, this seems like it has been our community’s approach already.

2.     Simplify my own life even more. This could probably be a never-ending task. Do I have too much clothing or too many possessions to live in a place with people who don’t have those things? Or even just to live in a world where people don’t have those things? Am I putting up a barrier by owning too much, so that they see me as someone who has more than them? Am I too attached to my possessions, even if there is not an “abundance” of them in my mind?

3.     Have a more giving heart. Look for opportunities to give. Give away more of my stipend. Give more of my time, or serve my community more. Give Jesus more. Give love more. Give prayer more.

Any thoughts?