Open up your Desires

Let’s rewind for a moment. I was in Haiti, in early 2020, oblivious that there might be a pandemic on the horizon, praying in the upstairs chapel on the roof of our house. I felt a little nudge in my heart from the Lord - “Open up your desires.” For years, I have heard that our desires can be good and given to us from God. I lived by that notion when I moved to Haiti originally in 2012, largely following a desire that the Lord had placed in my heart. But by 2020, there was a particular desire that I had begun ignoring, because it had gone painfully unfulfilled - the desire for marriage and family. In this moment in the chapel, I knew that God was speaking to me about this desire, but it didn’t make sense. I was living in Haiti with very little opportunity to date - what would be the point in opening up this unfulfilled desire?

In April 2020, after the start of the pandemic, I got on a plane to return home. After the struggle of landing, quarantining, and discerning what was next, I knew I had an opportunity to look more intentionally at this area of my life that I had been neglecting. By this point, I had come to a place of believing that God wasn’t actually asking me to sacrifice my desire for marriage for the sake of His mission. In fact, I had seen through the witness of many families how He could move powerfully through the ordinary (and miraculous) love between a husband and wife. With my heart more open than it had been in a while, I decided to take some practical steps.

While the pandemic did not feel like a great time to start putting energy into dating, it was in some ways providential that I had at least returned to the US. After one of my roommates met a faithful, Catholic man online, I thought, “Wait, what am I doing sitting here alone in rural Louisiana, during a pandemic, pretending to be open to dating?”

After nervously creating a profile and looking through different “matches,” including many selfies of men in their car with their seatbelts on (safety first?), I eventually started talking with a cute Filipino American man from New Jersey, named Joe. His profile had photos of him in national parks, lots of saint quotes, and a photo of him laughing (not a selfie in his car). His messages were thoughtful and even funny. We soon progressed to weekly phone calls. I remember walking down my rural street in Louisiana (passing by the cows and hay bales) both laughing and talking deeply on the phone with a man I had never met.

After talking for a few months, the pandemic seemed to be preventing us actually meeting, and things kind of fizzled out.

Two years later, in September 2022, I was sitting in front of my computer, sadly looking through a bunch of disappointing dating profiles (more car selfies), after having been on a few dead-end dates that year. I thought, “I wonder what happened to that Joe guy…” and decided to just send him a text. I said something like, “Hey, I know this is random, but just wondering how you are doing?” 

To my surprise, he actually responded.

To make a long story short, this rekindled our conversations, which led to a video call, then meeting in person during the first week of January 2023. From there, we started a long distance relationship, flying between Louisiana and New Jersey each month. We met each others’ family and friends. I attended his cousin’s wedding. He ate Cajun food. I ate Filipino food. After spending a weekend with my family in May, my dad (to my surprise) said “Welcome to the family, Joe.” Less than a week later, we were engaged.

(I know that was a very abbreviated version and you may want more details, but here’s a photo instead :)

It has certainly been a whirlwind! I have recently moved to Old Bridge, New Jersey while Joe and I prepare to get married on October 7th of this year - the feast of our Lady of the Rosary! I’m grateful to be continuing my role with Family Missions Company from afar, while so many other things in my life change. I’m living in Joe’s parents’ basement for the time being, while we plan our wedding.

Please pray for us as we take the next steps towards everything God has in store!