The Father is Tenderhearted

Here we are, in the midst of a pandemic. Personally, my life has been uprooted and turned upside down by COVID-19. Just a few months ago, in March, I was living in Haiti again, expecting to be there for at least a few years. Now, here I am back in America, uncertain when I will be able to go back to Haiti, just waiting. For me, it's easy to feel discouraged, disappointed, and confused in the midst of all of this upheaval.

Life has felt like a train wreck. In April, I paid way too much money for a flight into America after Haiti's airport had shut down, traveling with a way too thick mask that I had made myself from a foldable mask tutorial (stop giving bad advice internet!). I spent two weeks quarantining after traveling, worried that every time my throat tickled, I could have the virus, or that the anxiety I felt in my chest from "What's happening in my life?!" was a sign that I was about to be seriously ill.

I tried to make the best of things. I learned to make kombucha, sprouted some lentils and mung beans. I spent the month of May doing the 19th Annotation of St. Ignatius's Spiritual Exercises. I took an online course about a certain type of prayer ministry. I've had many conversations with members of my team and community from Haiti as we try to process our experiences and look at how to move forward.

It has been a whirlwind and it is not over, for any of us in the world. It has been stressful. And yet, we belong to a God who doesn't leave us or forsake us, so what is He doing?


I've recently become semi-grateful for the tumult of suddenly returning from Asia last year. There are many lessons I learned from that time that I have been relying on in what is now another unexpected season of life. Last year, I remember being at a conference with a friend and hearing that in times when I don't know how to trust God, when I feel discouraged or wonder where He is, praise is a massive weapon against the enemy. In praising God, even when I am struggling, I remind my soul of who He is. I tell my soul, in the midst of its discouragement, what to believe. This is an act of prophesying over myself, and over my own heart, the truths of who God is - that He is God, that He is Father, that He is good. He has never left me or abandoned me. He is always with me.

In my prayer lately, I often praise God for being merciful, kind, tenderhearted, a good Father. It's not because I always believe those things, it's because those are the things that I am quick to forget. These are the things that I need to prophesy over my soul in this time.

Recently, while wrestling with all the changing circumstances of this pandemic and the impact it has made on my life, I have felt the Father drawing me back to His heart.

I've been reminded of these simple truths about His love. The Father cares for me. He cares for my desires. He cares for my heart. He wants my good. He wants my joy. His love for me isn't dependent on what I do or accomplish for Him. His love for me simply is. It is a burning, passionate flame of love. And when I am sinning, His love for me is still the same, it doesn’t decrease. When I am lukewarm, His love for me is still the same, it doesn't decrease then either. When I am feeding the hungry or preaching the Gospel, His love for me stays the same. It does not increase. No, the Father's love for me does not increase when I am doing good! Because it is already strong; it is already tender; it is already merciful and infinite, passionate and burning intensely.

He does not love the missionary more than the drug addict, the priest more than the accountant, the youth minister more than the stay-at-home mom. He just LOVES.

If I can receive and rest in the love of a tenderhearted and merciful Father, then I am free. It is not my life circumstances that make me free - whether or not I am living in a pandemic, or in a country torn up by racism. It is the heart knowledge that I am deeply loved regardless of my sin, my work, my virtue, or my striving. I am free when I know that I am loved regardless. Even in the midst of a pandemic, I am free when I know the love of a tenderhearted Father who freely gives His love, poured out to overflowing for me.

In this season of uncertainty, let us open our hearts to receive His deep, unending love for us. He is always ready to pour it out.

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