Peace in the Chaos of Transition

In the past ten years, I have lived in twelve different houses, in nine different cities, in three different countries. When I write it out, I can’t even believe that those are real numbers. I am very familiar with transition, and am in the midst of it right now… again.

I am also an introvert. I love people, but in small doses. Intentional, quality, share-the-depths-of-your-heart time is where I thrive. This is sometimes hard to find in the pace of changing places, people, relationships.

So I wanted to share some of the things I have learned (and am still learning) about what I think is one of life’s greatest challenges – transition.

Things Not to Do:

• Continually dig things out of your suitcase for the first couple of weeks while you run around like crazy. Avoid unpacking because it seems stressful. There will come a time when you spend fifteen minutes in the morning looking for something and then just go back to bed, with your suitcase spilling over, still unable to find the thing you lost (I did this last week).
• Drink wine every night & watch Netflix because you are just exhausted. (Once in a while is clearly okay, though.)
• Think about how you don’t know how long you will be in this new place, so you avoid making it a home. You make a dresser from your suitcases, put nothing on the walls, and go for utility over a sense of home. Then you wonder why you feel so unsettled.
• Expect yourself to be ready to tackle life and feel rooted and secure after week one, or even month one. No, it takes time for a place to really feel like a home.
• Close your heart to new relationships because they just aren’t the same as the ones you had in your previous city. For me personally, this is a hard one to overcome.

After many years of constant transition, here are some of things I am trying to do now in life to help myself settle into a new place:

• Allow myself to be undone. I’ve learned that it is necessary to give myself the time and the space I need to deal with the things that are happening in my heart. I often need to give myself permission to feel unsettled and out of whack for a little while.
• Make a home, even if I will only be in the place for a week. Unpack. Put things up on the walls. Living out of a suitcase can create unnecessary chaos, so I try to bring a little order to my surroundings. I find that this also brings order to my heart.
• Take care of myself physically. Exercise (endorphins help relieve stress), eat well, sleep well. Take vitamins. This means knowing where my running shoes are, and taking the time to buy groceries instead of eating Chik-fil-a.
• Create a realistic rhythm of prayer. Figure out where/when I can pray each day, even if it is spot on the floor of my room. Try out a few different churches, in order to find a spiritual home.
• Seek community & allow it to look different than what I have experienced before. I have wasted a lot of time trying to force relationships to fit into a certain box. Sometimes the Lord brings us people who are different than us, and this is also a gift.
• Keep up relationships with people who don’t live in my new city, through phone calls and real connection, not just social media. Some of the people who I share most deeply with in life don’t actually live in the same city as me, and haven’t in years. These people are a huge gift in the midst of a transitory lifestyle.

One of the prayers I have prayed many times over the past several years is to be able to find my home in the heart of the Father. He is the one who knows everything that I need. He is stable when I feel unstable. He is unmoving, unchanging, full of mercy and love. He is a good place to call home.

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