Regular Ordinary Moments

For the past few years, I have been trying desperately to find the Lord in ordinary moments and ordinary places. After moving back to America from Haiti a couple years ago, I became convicted that I was missing something if I couldn’t find Jesus in these small and regular moments, and set out on a journey to find Him there.

 To be very real with you, I feel like I have largely failed. I have felt a very constant ache and thirst for the Lord. I feel like I am constantly missing Him. I feel like I need to do and to be more. But those could really be just feelings.

 At the same time, I know that He is here in the midst of my life. I can find Him in my heart when I pray. I can find him in my desperate prayers for patience while I am teaching. I can find Him when I am speaking with a student who is difficult but needs some love. I can find Him in worship or in the rosary while I am stuck in traffic. I can find Him in the community of teachers at my school and my grad school who are amazing people working together, trying to do big things. I have found incredible beauty in the goodness of human beings whose religious or spiritual beliefs are many and varied.

 Part of the struggle that I have had is that my faith looks entirely different now than it did a few years ago. I have less time available in my life for silent prayer and daily mass. There is a spiritual thirst in me that makes me feel as if I am doing something wrong, but sometimes I wonder if that thirst really means that I am actually doing something right.

 Despite being busier, spending more time planning, teaching, in grad school, and being in a car in traffic, there is still a beautiful ache in my soul that reminds me that Jesus is the one that I must rely on. Maybe that is part of the struggle of the ordinary. Life is often a series of really regular moments out of which we hope to derive meaning. But I wonder if finding the meaning in teaching a reading lesson, calling a parent, doing the laundry, and sitting in traffic on the interstate, really just takes artistry. It takes creativity. It takes heart and the eyes to see how each of these small moments can be connected and bring meaning to our lives.

 I can’t pretend that I do this perfectly, but I can hope to have eyes to see deeper and a heart to believe more that each of these moments can truly be infused with grace.

 For today, I am just hoping to see more clearly.

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