The Wildness of the Ordinary
This month marks a year since I left Haiti. It has been a year of aching, restlessness, discernment, confusion, and re-discovering truths about the Lord and His love for me in the midst of all the chaos. He has never left me. God is here. He is Father. He is good.
In the past year, I have moved three times (four if you count a move from a dormitory to an apartment in the same town). These moves began when I moved from Haiti to Florida to spend time with my parents, then from Florida to Kansas to work at a boarding school, then from Kansas to Nashville, Tennessee where I have been for about a month and a half (with a quick flight to Uganda in the middle of the move, leaving all my personal belongings both in my car and at a friend’s house).
This past year has felt crazier and more difficult than the three years I spent in Haiti. I have slept in many places, bought a car, paid my taxes, switched jobs and locations, and most recently started grad school. I have met new people, upon new people, upon new people. In the spring, I filled out many applications and had interviews for different jobs and missionary positions. I have made decisions that I was certain about and some I was not so certain about. I have learned to establish a prayer routine on my own on my couch in the morning with a cup of coffee, or with a rosary in the car on my way home from work. This weekend, thanks to a friend, I even have a dresser in my bedroom. For the first time in nine months, my foldable items are not folded in a suitcase on the floor of my closet... a daily image of the potentially transitory state of my life.
This year has been a year filled with many personal challenges and accomplishments, failures and victories. I am tired.
Recently, being in a new city, in a new job, and going to school again has been exhausting because of it’s newness. However, I have great hopes for the dust to finally settle in my life and to see the Lord working in the midst of routine, ordinariness, and consistency. I realized in this past year that if the Lord came into the womb of a woman, then He has already come crashing into ordinary life. If I don’t find Him there, then it is I who am missing something. This was a hard thing to note for someone who has been a missionary used to doing radical things.
Even this week, I have found the Lord in simple, ordinary, potentially “boring” moments, such as the peacefulness of cooking dinner after a hard day at work, or the accomplishment of going for a run when my brain is buzzing from all the changes of life. I constantly find Him in the ordinary moment of sitting on my couch in the morning with a journal, Bible, and cup of coffee. I find Him when I am driving in the car alone and am overwhelmed by sadness that I can’t be in Haiti right this moment. I find Him when I see the colors of the sun setting on an evening run.
One of my favorite quotes from the Chronicles of Narnia is this: “He’s wild you know, not like a tame lion.” I love that my God is a wild God. Lately, I have been asking myself, “Can He still be wild in His ordinariness?” When I think about the Eucharist – I think yes, yes He can. He must be wild in His love for me in order to hide Himself in the disguise of a piece of ordinary bread. Yes, the Lord is still wild in my ordinary life. Thank you, Jesus.
In the past year, I have moved three times (four if you count a move from a dormitory to an apartment in the same town). These moves began when I moved from Haiti to Florida to spend time with my parents, then from Florida to Kansas to work at a boarding school, then from Kansas to Nashville, Tennessee where I have been for about a month and a half (with a quick flight to Uganda in the middle of the move, leaving all my personal belongings both in my car and at a friend’s house).
This past year has felt crazier and more difficult than the three years I spent in Haiti. I have slept in many places, bought a car, paid my taxes, switched jobs and locations, and most recently started grad school. I have met new people, upon new people, upon new people. In the spring, I filled out many applications and had interviews for different jobs and missionary positions. I have made decisions that I was certain about and some I was not so certain about. I have learned to establish a prayer routine on my own on my couch in the morning with a cup of coffee, or with a rosary in the car on my way home from work. This weekend, thanks to a friend, I even have a dresser in my bedroom. For the first time in nine months, my foldable items are not folded in a suitcase on the floor of my closet... a daily image of the potentially transitory state of my life.
This year has been a year filled with many personal challenges and accomplishments, failures and victories. I am tired.
Recently, being in a new city, in a new job, and going to school again has been exhausting because of it’s newness. However, I have great hopes for the dust to finally settle in my life and to see the Lord working in the midst of routine, ordinariness, and consistency. I realized in this past year that if the Lord came into the womb of a woman, then He has already come crashing into ordinary life. If I don’t find Him there, then it is I who am missing something. This was a hard thing to note for someone who has been a missionary used to doing radical things.
Even this week, I have found the Lord in simple, ordinary, potentially “boring” moments, such as the peacefulness of cooking dinner after a hard day at work, or the accomplishment of going for a run when my brain is buzzing from all the changes of life. I constantly find Him in the ordinary moment of sitting on my couch in the morning with a journal, Bible, and cup of coffee. I find Him when I am driving in the car alone and am overwhelmed by sadness that I can’t be in Haiti right this moment. I find Him when I see the colors of the sun setting on an evening run.
One of my favorite quotes from the Chronicles of Narnia is this: “He’s wild you know, not like a tame lion.” I love that my God is a wild God. Lately, I have been asking myself, “Can He still be wild in His ordinariness?” When I think about the Eucharist – I think yes, yes He can. He must be wild in His love for me in order to hide Himself in the disguise of a piece of ordinary bread. Yes, the Lord is still wild in my ordinary life. Thank you, Jesus.
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