My Own Inadequate Response to Same-Sex Marriage
The Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage came out a few days ago, and I have to confess, I am angry, hurt, and ashamed. But I’m not angry, hurt, and ashamed by the government, same-sex couples who are choosing to get married, the gay pride parades, or the LGBT community. I am angry at the many Christians who have chosen to point fingers and “stand up for what they believe in” while cowardly hiding behind their computer or smartphone screens. I’m angry at the way my fellow Christians are ostracizing people because of their choices, and I want it to stop.
I am also ashamed at what I myself have failed to do. Every time I read an article that a Christian has posted, I think about a couple of good friends I have who I once went to Church with, and who have now chosen to live a gay lifestyle. I think about a couple of Catholic friends I have who, despite the same-sex attraction that they feel, are choosing to live celibate lifestyles, seeking grace in the Lord. There are very, very few articles or posts that I can read without thinking, “If I considered myself gay, I wouldn’t make it through the first paragraph."
Sadly, the few friends that I have who have chosen to live gay lifestyles have not talked to me about it, but have made public Facebook posts instead. I know what they might be thinking. They are probably afraid that I would judge them or try to talk them out of it. Maybe it is just that we have lost touch, but it is probably more than that. And yet my heart is aching for their friendship and wants them to trust me enough to come to me.
But that will not happen easily, because so many Christians have been so public about their opinion that it hurts relationships between people who are Christian and people who consider themselves gay. But I must repent too. I must repent of not reaching out, of not knowing what to say, of not understanding and keeping a distance. I must repent of my own lack of courage, and of not filling the gap that exists between Christianity and the LGBT community. I hope that I can find the courage, the right words, and the love to reach out to my friends, without condemning, in order to leave a door open that they know they may walk through at any moment, and in order to radically love them as Christ loves them.
As Christians, let’s put aside our complacency, our fear, our lack of love, and start reaching out to those who are not like us. Healing relationships were never formed by shouting our differing opinions publicly for all the world to hear. Jesus ate with sinners and tax collectors who didn’t have the same opinions as He did. Are you and I often eating meals with those who don’t have the same opinions as we do? Are we reaching out? Does the gay community even feel loved enough by us to let us into their homes and lives?
By shouting our condemning opinions from the rooftops of Facebook and Twitter, we are falling short of what the Church is supposed to be. In Joy of the Gospel, Pope Francis says, “The Church is called to be the house of the Father, with doors always wide open.” So let’s stop slamming our proverbial doors in people’s faces through social media, and let’s reach out instead. Let’s have a conversation that maybe isn’t based on sexuality and marriage, but is based on love and friendship.
I invite you to consider Pope Francis’s lengthy and beautiful words in Joy of the Gospel, and read them in light of the Supreme Court decision about same-sex marriage:
“Mission is at once a passion for Jesus and a passion for his people. When we stand before Jesus crucified, we see the depth of his love which exalts and sustains us, but at the same time, unless we are blind, we begin to realize that Jesus’ gaze, burning with love, expands to embrace all his people. We realize once more that he wants to make use of us to draw closer to his beloved people. He takes us from the midst of his people and he sends us to his people; without this sense of belonging we cannot understand our deepest identity.
Jesus himself is the model of this method of evangelization which brings us to the very heart of his people. How good it is for us to contemplate the closeness which he shows to everyone! If he speaks to someone, he looks into their eyes with deep love and concern: ‘Jesus, looking upon him, loved him’ (Mk 10:21). We see how accessible he is, as he draws near the blind man and eats and drinks with sinners without worrying about being thought a glutton and a drunkard himself. We see his sensitivity in allowing a sinful woman to anoint his feet and in receiving Nicodemus by night. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is nothing else than the culmination of the way he lived his entire life. Moved by his example, we want to enter fully into the fabric of society, sharing the lives of all, listening to their concerns, helping them materially and spiritually in their needs, rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep; arm in arm with others, we are committed to building a new world. But we do so not from a sense of obligation, not as a burdensome duty, but as the result of a personal decision which brings us joy and gives meaning to our lives.
Sometimes we are tempted to be that kind of Christian who keeps the Lord’s wounds at arm’s length. Yet Jesus wants us to touch human misery, to touch the suffering flesh of others. He hopes that we will stop looking for those personal or communal niches which shelter us from the maelstrom of human misfortune and instead enter into the reality of other people’s lives and know the power of tenderness. Whenever we do so, our lives become wonderfully complicated and we experience intensely what it is to be a people, to be part of a people."
So how do we become "part of a people"? How do we reach out to our family and friends who are gay? How do we start this conversation? Well, I honestly have no idea. But I think the time to try is long overdue. And if we mess it up, let's mess it up in the name of love, not condemnation. Let's break down barriers, instead of creating them. Let's find out what it really means to be Christians and love even those people who we disagree with. We'll muddle through it, but hopefully, one day, by God's grace, we may just get it right.
I am also ashamed at what I myself have failed to do. Every time I read an article that a Christian has posted, I think about a couple of good friends I have who I once went to Church with, and who have now chosen to live a gay lifestyle. I think about a couple of Catholic friends I have who, despite the same-sex attraction that they feel, are choosing to live celibate lifestyles, seeking grace in the Lord. There are very, very few articles or posts that I can read without thinking, “If I considered myself gay, I wouldn’t make it through the first paragraph."
Sadly, the few friends that I have who have chosen to live gay lifestyles have not talked to me about it, but have made public Facebook posts instead. I know what they might be thinking. They are probably afraid that I would judge them or try to talk them out of it. Maybe it is just that we have lost touch, but it is probably more than that. And yet my heart is aching for their friendship and wants them to trust me enough to come to me.
But that will not happen easily, because so many Christians have been so public about their opinion that it hurts relationships between people who are Christian and people who consider themselves gay. But I must repent too. I must repent of not reaching out, of not knowing what to say, of not understanding and keeping a distance. I must repent of my own lack of courage, and of not filling the gap that exists between Christianity and the LGBT community. I hope that I can find the courage, the right words, and the love to reach out to my friends, without condemning, in order to leave a door open that they know they may walk through at any moment, and in order to radically love them as Christ loves them.
As Christians, let’s put aside our complacency, our fear, our lack of love, and start reaching out to those who are not like us. Healing relationships were never formed by shouting our differing opinions publicly for all the world to hear. Jesus ate with sinners and tax collectors who didn’t have the same opinions as He did. Are you and I often eating meals with those who don’t have the same opinions as we do? Are we reaching out? Does the gay community even feel loved enough by us to let us into their homes and lives?
By shouting our condemning opinions from the rooftops of Facebook and Twitter, we are falling short of what the Church is supposed to be. In Joy of the Gospel, Pope Francis says, “The Church is called to be the house of the Father, with doors always wide open.” So let’s stop slamming our proverbial doors in people’s faces through social media, and let’s reach out instead. Let’s have a conversation that maybe isn’t based on sexuality and marriage, but is based on love and friendship.
I invite you to consider Pope Francis’s lengthy and beautiful words in Joy of the Gospel, and read them in light of the Supreme Court decision about same-sex marriage:
“Mission is at once a passion for Jesus and a passion for his people. When we stand before Jesus crucified, we see the depth of his love which exalts and sustains us, but at the same time, unless we are blind, we begin to realize that Jesus’ gaze, burning with love, expands to embrace all his people. We realize once more that he wants to make use of us to draw closer to his beloved people. He takes us from the midst of his people and he sends us to his people; without this sense of belonging we cannot understand our deepest identity.
Jesus himself is the model of this method of evangelization which brings us to the very heart of his people. How good it is for us to contemplate the closeness which he shows to everyone! If he speaks to someone, he looks into their eyes with deep love and concern: ‘Jesus, looking upon him, loved him’ (Mk 10:21). We see how accessible he is, as he draws near the blind man and eats and drinks with sinners without worrying about being thought a glutton and a drunkard himself. We see his sensitivity in allowing a sinful woman to anoint his feet and in receiving Nicodemus by night. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is nothing else than the culmination of the way he lived his entire life. Moved by his example, we want to enter fully into the fabric of society, sharing the lives of all, listening to their concerns, helping them materially and spiritually in their needs, rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep; arm in arm with others, we are committed to building a new world. But we do so not from a sense of obligation, not as a burdensome duty, but as the result of a personal decision which brings us joy and gives meaning to our lives.
Sometimes we are tempted to be that kind of Christian who keeps the Lord’s wounds at arm’s length. Yet Jesus wants us to touch human misery, to touch the suffering flesh of others. He hopes that we will stop looking for those personal or communal niches which shelter us from the maelstrom of human misfortune and instead enter into the reality of other people’s lives and know the power of tenderness. Whenever we do so, our lives become wonderfully complicated and we experience intensely what it is to be a people, to be part of a people."
So how do we become "part of a people"? How do we reach out to our family and friends who are gay? How do we start this conversation? Well, I honestly have no idea. But I think the time to try is long overdue. And if we mess it up, let's mess it up in the name of love, not condemnation. Let's break down barriers, instead of creating them. Let's find out what it really means to be Christians and love even those people who we disagree with. We'll muddle through it, but hopefully, one day, by God's grace, we may just get it right.
Comments
Post a Comment